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Finding happy ending

Author turns a tragedy around

By Carol Rock
Staff Writer

Sunday, February 15, 2004 -

VALENCIA -- Sally Taylor wrote a book -- but not just any book. Hers is sure to be found in the libraries of parents everywhere, dog-eared from use like a cookbook with just the right recipes for living.

Taylor herself is a vivacious new resident of Valencia, a recent import from Kansas City, here to take the West Coast by storm. If any phrase could describe her, it would be that she loves life.

Which makes even more ironic the impetus behind her book "On My Own: The Ultimate How-To Guide for Young Adults." It was the death of her nephew that prompted the book's publication. Erek Doperalski was only 20 when he took his own life just hours after being booked for drunk driving on Christmas Eve, 1999. He was in the throes of depression and she experienced his circle of friends and family's helplessness before and after his final exit.

Amid the chapters about finances, college, dreams, time management, relationships, personal safety, pet care, charity and government is Erek's story, in the portion of the book dedicated to alcohol and drugs. Its abruptness illustrates how death intrudes on life and offers a no-holds-barred look at how suicide affects the ever-widening pool of survivors.

"Some people wanted me to take that part out when we went to publish, but I said no," she explained. "Now, they're thanking me. Everywhere I speak, someone comes up to tell me that they knew someone, or lost a family member and that the chapter helped them in some way."

Her message is simple: There's nothing wrong with asking for help and the book has a generous offering of referrals and sources.

"Young adults need to be trusted to make the right decisions," she said. "Hopefully, this book will help them to do that."

Her interest in the book began when Erek came to her asking for advice.

"He had questions like 'How do I set up a checking account?' or 'What do I need to know to buy a car?' so I started researching those things. It occurred to me that it might be fun to do a seminar on that kind of stuff eventually, so I threw it all into boxes in the basement," she explained. "Every now and then I would take it out and sort it into chapters, but then I'd get scared and put it back in the basement."

A logical explanation for just about everything can be found between its covers: how to sort dirty clothes to balancing a budget and moving out of the house, resolving conflicts and knowing the difference between religion and spirituality as well as love and sex, how to handle health and personal safety, caring for a pet, giving to charity, taking care of a car and understanding the government.

The book comes complete with forms -- basically worksheets for life -- that help readers determine whether they can afford to change jobs, take on new obligations, handle tough interviews, manage time, donate their organs and the pros and cons of pregnancy options. There is no slant, just a framework to help set up the facts.

Erek had been one of her most ardent supporters and convinced her to put the book on a CD-ROM for kids who had problems reading or found computers more user-friendly. They shopped for the software together, but the disk project got put aside.

Then Erek died the following December and Taylor's life entered its most painful chapter.

"I didn't breathe or do anything for 15 months. I would sit on the couch in front of the TV, but I couldn't tell you what was on, I was so out of it," she said. "Then I found a letter Erek had written me from Marine boot camp, asking how the CD-ROM was coming. It was my Oprah 'Aha!' moment. I knew then that we could still work together and people would still meet him and get to know what a great kid he was."

She was headed for a book signing with Erek's brother when she had another "moment."

"It took us 13 months to get the book off the presses and when we finally got the copies, I burst into tears. It's still really hard. But I knew I wouldn't have been able to do this if he hadn't died. I'd still be too afraid."

Taylor, 40, is married to a commander in the Kansas Air National Guard. His duties required him to stay in Kansas, but Sally knew that the success of her book depended on her pounding the Southern California pavement.

"I want my book in the hands of every high school student," she said. "In Topeka, there are five high schools with a total of 890 graduates. In Los Angeles, there are 77,000 high school graduates every year. I had to move here temporarily and I loved Santa Clarita the minute I drove in."

She's hoping to meet with counselors or administrators at the local high schools and has taken her tome to various service clubs to get the word out. She's meeting with Junior Achievement and the SCV Youth Project and hopes to conduct some "Life 101" classes in the near future, aimed at all ages.

"My oldest known reader is a 70-year-old woman whose husband died after they had been together 50 years," she said. "He had always done the checkbook and insurance and she didn't know where to start. I've also sold them to divorcees and guys who just don't want to ask for help, but they'll read a book.

"I've already been asked when I'm writing the retiree version," she continued, laughing. "We're planning on spinning off the financial chapter (a condensed companion to the book 'The Ultimate Bill Paying Tablet' is already in print) as well as some of the other subjects."

She's also signed a contract to co-author "Chicken Soup for the High School Graduate," which she hopes to follow with volumes for junior high, college and elementary school graduates.

"On My Own" is available online from Borders books or from Taylor's Web site, www.onmyown.com

Carol Rock, (661) 257-5252 carol.rock@dailynews.com

Copyright © 2004 Los Angeles Daily News

 

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